


Life or Death

by AmberAstra



Category: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beetlejuice Being Beetlejuice, Found Family, Gen, I'll add more tags as i go, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, No TAZ characters actually show up, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21701569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberAstra/pseuds/AmberAstra
Summary: Hey folks! Welcome to Life or Death, the fantastical game that's totally not some kind of trap! Contestants who successfully make it through all the challenges will receive their heart's dearest desire. Those who don't will be, you know, dead. Good luck!
Relationships: Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice & Adam Maitland & Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz, Lydia Deetz & Adam Maitland & Barbara Maitland
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So, apparently, this is what happens when you relisten to one of the most traumatic arcs of your favorite podcast, and realize, hey, a character from my current obsession made his own deadly gameshow too! I wonder how much more upsetting I can make this by combining them. So yeah, welcome to the Suffering Game themed Beetlejuice fic. Buckle up kids, this is gonna be a weird and wild ride.

“Is this the place?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“...doesn’t really look like much.”

\---

Lydia heard the footsteps coming up the stairs and quickly stuffed the spellbook under her mattress. It wasn’t so much that she thought her father wouldn’t approve of her trying to learn magic. He’d probably be pleased she was taking an interest in _something_ again. But she doubted he would approve of what she wanted to learn magic _for_.

Almost a year ago now, Lydia’s mother, Emily Deetz, had passed away. Even between healing magic and modern medicine, there had been nothing that could be done to save her. And Lydia and her father had been a mess ever since. He’d moved them to some tiny town called Winter River, in the middle of absolutely _nowhere_. 

“A fresh start,” he’d called it. “We’re moving forward.”

A knock sounded on her bedroom door.

“Lydia,” her father’s voice called. “Honey, Delia’s here for your session.”

“Yeah. Fine. Okay,” Lydia replied unenthusiastically. 

Delia was Lydia’s “life coach” that her father had hired so that she would stop being so sad about Dead Mom already and _move forward_. The woman had a small amount of magic herself, but it was really only enough for pretty basic spells, and convincing people the stuff she said about crystals wasn’t a complete hoax. Lydia _supposed_ she could ask Delia for help with this whole magic thing, but the woman was so disgustingly cheerful and positive that even the slightest hint that Lydia might be interested in anything _remotely_ “dark” would probably cause her to freak. Plus, she was dating Lydia’s dad. The two of them thought she didn’t know, but neither of them were exactly the most _subtle_ individuals. 

Whatever. It’s not like it mattered anyway. None of it mattered.

Because Lydia Deetz had a plan. 

\---

“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Looks like I’m gonna have some new _friends_ to play with!”


	2. Make A Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which apparently nobody has enough common sense not to go in the creepy tent in the woods, and we meet a certain green-haired demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life sucks right now, so here's a new chapter while I wait for one of my professors to get back to me about some stuff and I try not to dwell on how very badly this week has gone.

The three humans stood, looking skeptically at the building in the center of the clearing. Well, perhaps “building” wasn’t the correct word. “Circus tent” was probably closer to the truth. It was huge and ostentatious, with large black and white stripes running from the top down the sides. Directly in front of them was a closed flap that seemed to serve as an entrance to the structure. 

Lydia looked back down at the flyer in her hand. On one side was a map depicting the very clearing the three were standing in, and the surrounding forest. On the other, in a very _dramatic_ looking font, were the words, “The Solution You’ve Been Looking For!” emblazoned above an object that could very well be _exactly that._ The flyer had arrived at the house a few days ago, just as Lydia was beginning to feel discouraged over the lack of progress on her original plan. Turns out, there’s only so much magic you can learn out of books while still keeping it a secret from your dad and your life coach, especially for the type of magic that Lydia needed to know for her plan. And there _certainly_ wasn’t anybody else in Winter River who was un-boring enough to help. 

So when the flyer had shown up, _addressed to her_ , she knew it was probably her last chance. Now, Lydia wasn’t stupid. The timing of the flyer’s arrival and the specificity of its contents just _screamed_ trap. But what else could she do. She didn’t _have_ a choice, not really. This was the only way to make things right again. Besides, she knew enough magic by now to look after herself, probably. 

And Lydia had packed some supplies and stolen away in the middle of the night, like some overly dramatic protagonist in some teen novel. 

Along the way, she had run into Adam and Barbara Maitland, who had received a similar flyer, personally tailored to their own desires. Lydia had snuck a look at it. It looked completely different from hers - all soft colors and gently swooping calligraphy. If the maps hadn’t led to the same place, Lydia would’ve thought they were from completely different senders. 

Lydia... didn’t really think the Maitlands knew what they were getting themselves into. 

They were nice enough people, certainly. Honestly, they were probably _too_ nice. They’d fussed over the teenage girl traveling alone when they’d encountered her on the outskirts of the forest, and when they’d realized she was going to the same place as them, Barbara had _insisted_ on traveling together. 

“Safety in numbers!” she’d said cheerfully.

As Lydia hadn’t had any real reason not to, she had agreed. And now here they were. Standing outside of some weird tent thing. Adam was looking between the map and the tent, frowning. 

_Yeah, I’d probably be confused too if my flyer had looked like that,_ thought Lydia. _Well, it’s still weird anyway, but at least it’s interesting._

“Well, what are we waiting for?” she said aloud, and took a step forward. 

Immediately, the flap lifted out of the way to reveal an entrance. An eerie green light spilled from the opening, casting a sickly glow on the humans’ faces.

Barbara took a step back. “I’m not so sure about this....”

Lydia rolled her eyes. “Really? You guys are gonna chicken out on me already? We haven’t even gone _in_ yet.”

And with that, the teenager strode forward into the otherworldly green light.

“Wait, Lydia--”

The Maitlands looked at each other.

“We sh--we should follow--”

“Yeah, just to make sure--”

And gripping each other’s hands tightly, they followed Lydia through to the other side.

\---

Despite the light coming through the entryway, the instant that the Maitlands passed the boundaries of the tent, they were plunged into complete and total darkness. Hesitantly, they took a few more steps forward, not wanting to trip over anything or crash into Lydia. Out of the darkness, they realized music was playing from somewhere, faintly at first, but becoming louder as they slowly inched forwards. 

Suddenly, the room was flooded with brightly colored lights as the music built to a crescendo, then cut off. Squinting against the unexpected change in lighting, the couple could make out Lydia standing a few feet ahead of them, and beyond her was a raised platform almost like a stage. Standing atop the stage and grinning at them in a rather unsettling manner was a green-haired man in a striped suit similar to the tent itself. 

“Hi!” he said cheerfully. “You three must be our _lucky_ new contestants ooooon... (drumroll please)” - a drumroll sounded from somewhere out of sight - “LIFE OR DEATH! The thrilling game of skill and determination that will let you win your ~heart’s desire~”

As he spoke, he gestured dramatically behind himself, and a large neon sign bearing the words “LIFE OR DEATH” was illuminated above the stage. 

“And _I_ am your (g)host with the most, BJ!”

A stunned silence followed these declarations. The strange man sat down on the edge of the stage, crossing his legs and looking at them expectantly.

Lydia raised an eyebrow. “...your name’s Blowjob?” she deadpanned.

“Lydia!” Barbara scolded.

BJ blinked at her in surprise, then started laughing. “Holy shit, kid. I can’t believe you’re the first person to actually make that joke.”

The teenager smirked back at him. “Alright, well if that isn’t it, then what is?”

“Mmmmnope,” he said, hopping down off the stage and booping her on the nose. “Not telling ya that, kid. Don’t have high enough clearance.” He straightened back up, “BJ’s good enough while you’re here.”

This close to him, Lydia could see that both his teeth and ears were slightly pointed. Her eyes widened.

“You’re a _demon,”_ she said.

“Wow, I’m impressed, kid. Most breathers don’t catch on anywhere _near_ that quickly.”

By this point, Adam couldn’t take it anymore. “What? What are you--what do you mean, demon? This isn’t--I don’t-- _THIS IS NOT WHAT WAS INDICATED ON THE BROCHURE.”_

In his hand he was clutching the piece of paper he and Barbara had received that had led them here in the first place. Suddenly, the demon was standing right behind him. BJ snatched the flyer from Adam, pinching him on the ass as he went past. Adam yelped and scooted closer to Barbara. BJ looked thoughtfully at the paper for a moment, before crumpling it up and tossing it over his shoulder.

“Yep. Bullshit,” he declared. 

“Wha--do you, do you mean to tell me, that we were lured here under, under _false pretenses?”_

BJ pretended to think about it. “Yeah, pretty much!” he grinned. “And it’s not like _everything_ was a lie. You can absolutely still win the prize you seek. You just, you know, really have to _earn_ it first.”

“And how exactly would we do that?” Barbara asked cautiously. 

“Oh, I’m _so_ glad you asked!” BJ replied. “The rules are simple, you just gotta successfully make it through all of the challenges, and you get to walk out of here with whatever it is that your tiny little human hearts desire most.”

“And... what happens if we lose?” asked Lydia.

“Well,” he said, “if you _lose,_ then you _don’t._ Walk out of here, that is. Cause you’ll be, you know, **dead.”**

“I don’t know about this,” Barbara said. “Adam, Lydia, I’m not sure this is worth it, I think we should go.”

“Ah, c’mon!” the demon cajoled. “What’s the point of a prize without a little risk? And besides,” he continued, the shadows darkening around him, “there’s nowhere for you to go to. Once you’ve passed through, there’s no turning back. The only way out is to play. My. Game.”

The Maitlands clutched each other in fear. Lydia gazed at the demon consideringly.

“Fine,” she said. “I’m in.”

“...you know, kid, you’re being surprisingly chill about all this,” he said, his voice returning to normal. “What gives?”

The girl shrugged. “Eh, I figured there’d be something like this. Not _this,_ obviously,” She gestured at room around them, “Cause this is just _weird._ But _something.”_

“...Fair enough.”

BJ adjusted his jacked, snapped his fingers, and a door opened at the far end of the room, beneath the neon sign. 

“Right! Whenever you folks are done freaking out and decide to grow a pair, your first challenge is just through that door.”

He turned to Lydia and dramatically placed a hand on her shoulder. “Kid. Good luck.”

“You two...” then he was between the Maitlands, who looked extremely uncomfortable, an arm slung over each of their shoulders. “Stay sexy.” 

He grabbed Adam’s face in both hands and kissed him, a third arm still holding on to Barbara, and then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, something to note about the versions of the characters here, is that they're not starting from quite the same places as their musical counterparts. The Maitlands, for instance, are a little closer to their movie versions in that they want children, but haven't been able to have any. Beetlejuice too is going to be a little different from how we first see him in the show. We'll get to that more in later chapters, but for now I'll just say that while the Maitlands are essentially further along their personal timeline (had they lived), BJ is basically the opposite. 
> 
> Anyways, hopefully it'll all make sense later. 
> 
> Oh, also, the music playing before BJ shows up is 100% the pre-show music.


	3. The Whole "Sacrifice" Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which rules are explained and small sacrifices are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I was super busy with family stuff, and then I went and got sick. So hopefully this chapter's coherent.

Beetlejuice watched as the three new breathers entered the first chamber. The kid was in front, which didn't surprise him in the least, despite only interacting with her for a few minutes. The two adults (her parents?) followed like nervous little mice. You know, if mice were sexy. 

_Well, I'm sure that's somebody's thing._

Beetlejuice smirked to himself.

Back in the challenge chamber, Lydia was investigating the only other thing present in the room. It looked like a giant roulette wheel, with a number of different symbols around the edges. On the other side of the room, directly opposite where they'd come in, was another door. Three lights were situated above it, currently unlit.

"What do you suppose we're supposed to do?" asked Adam.

"Spin the creepy wheel?" suggested Lydia dryly.

"Well, yeah, okay. But I'd feel better if there were some kind of... instructions, or something."

_Guess that's my cue!_

"Alright! Let's give a big hand to our brave new contestants as they face their first challenge, the Wheel of Sacrifiiiiice!!"

The Maitlands jumped as Beetlejuice's voice, and a subsequent applause track, suddenly echoed through the room, though there were no visible speakers.

"Wha--where--?" squeaked Adam, wheeling around.

"Oh you are just too adorable," Beetlejuice snickered. "Buuuuut, ya ain't gonna make it very far if as simple a trick as a disembodied voice makes you this jumpy."

Lydia looked thoughtful. "Are you watching us from a different room, or are you just here but invisible?"

"Nah. Got more contestants than just you three to keep track of, you know. Can't give special treatment to any one group of breathers. I wanted to have one of my clones follow each group around to keep an eye on 'em, but the focus groups shot that one down pretty quick."

Lydia snorted in amusement.

"Yeah," Beetlejuice continued. "Apparently, having my ugly mug staring at 'em all the time is more traumatizing than the challenges themselves. Which seems a little harsh to me, but whatevs."

"Wait, hold on, back up," said Barbara. "Go back to that whole Wheel of _Sacrifice_ thing."

"Right, right, right. _I_ wanted to call it the Wheel of _Death,"_ Beetlejuice said cheerfully, "but PR said that would be 'too disheartening at this early stage of the proceedings.'"

"This place has a PR department?" Adam said skeptically.

"Yup, sure does! I mean, how else do you think we get those personalized flyers?"

"You know, he does kinda have a point," said Lydia. 

"Again, can we please go back to the sacrifice thing?" asked Barbara in a strained voice.

"Alright, _alright._ Don't get your panties in a twist," groused the demon. "Can't a guy enjoy a little friendly conversation, geez.

"But. Fine. The Rules are simple. All ya gotta do is spin the wheel. The symbol you land on determines the kind of sacrifice you'll have to make. Once you do it, one of those lights will light up, and once all three are lit, you're done and can move on to the next room. Uhhhh, what else? Oh, each of you has to go at least once, and you can't do somebody's sacrifice for them. People are always trying to do that martyr thing for each other, and it's _so dull._ But hey, I'm not a total monster, if there's a sacrifice you just absolutely cannot make, though I don't know why you _wouldn't_ seeing as the prize for winning is _literally your heart's dearest desire._ But if you can't, you can always just take a penalty instead."

"What kind of penalty?"

"Oh Babs, now _where_ would be the fun in telling you that?"

Beetlejuice waggled his eyebrows, even though he knew they couldn't see him.

"Ok," said Lydia, stepping forward. "So we just have to spin the wheel?"

"You got it, kid."

And before Adam or Barbara could say anything, before they could protest or tell her to be careful, Lydia grabbed one of the spokes on the edge of the wheel and spun it with all her might. Slowly, it came to a halt on the symbol shaped like a skull.

The three humans and the demon all stared at the result in silence for a few moments. Despite not knowing exactly what it meant, the humans all felt that this did not bode well for the success of their endeavor. Beetlejuice, who knew _exactly_ what it meant, knew for _certain_ that it did not bode well for the success of their endeavor.

_Jesus, who gets_ that _one on their very first try? They won’t last long at_ all _if they keep that up._

“Hey, BJ” Lydia called. “I got the skull thing, what am I supposed to sacrifice, or whatever? You’re not gonna take one of my bones or something, are you?” she joked.

“Uhhhh,” the demon replied, clearly as wrong-footed by the result as the rest of them.

Beetlejuice shook his head to clear it. _Whatever, it doesn’t matter anyway, it’s not like there aren’t plenty of other breathers to mess with._

“Welp,” he said cheerfully, “The good news is, you don’t have to give anything up this round!”

“And... the _bad_ news?”

“Ehhhh, okay, so you _may_ end up with a little bit of bad luck in a later round. But c’mon, you’re a tough kid, I’m sure you’ll be _fine!”_

This was neither convincing or reassuring to anyone present.

“Fine,” said Lydia anyways. The first light above the door lit up.

“Cool. Aaaanywho,” Beetlejuice clapped his hands, “who wants to go next?”

Barbara took a deep breath and stepped forward. “I will.”

She reached out and spun the wheel. It clicked to a stop on a symbol resembling an eye.

“Okay! Now that’s more like it!” Beetlejuice said. “Let’s see, how gross do we wanna get for round one?”

“Are you gonna take one of her eyes?” Lydia asked, just a trifle too enthusiastically. 

Beetlejuice grinned. This kid was _definitely_ unusual.

“Nah,” he replied. “That’s Round Two stuff. And since you don’t have any Darkvision to take away, I guess we’ll just go with your _color_ vision instead.”

“...I don’t understand,” said Barbara.

The demon sighed. “I _mean,_ that if you accept the sacrifice, you’ll be colorblind. Permanently. It’s really not that complicated, Babs.

“So, what’ll it be?”

Barbara turned to look at her husband, committing every detail to memory, from the exact shade of brown of his hair and eyes, to the greens of his plaid shirt. Adam smiled supportively at her, and reached out to clasp her hands. Distantly, she heard the demon make a noise of disgust.

"Alright," she said softly.

And that was it. There was no pain. All the color simply... faded as she continued to gaze at her husband. Above the door, the second light switched on.

Adam squeezed her hands one last time and said, "Alright, guess it's my turn now."

This time, the wheel stopped on an image of a sword.

"Huh. Got any weapons?" asked Beetlejuice.

"No?" replied Adam, sounding as though he wasn't sure if he was supposed to have brought one. Not that he would have known how to use it if he had.

"Right, right. Figured. Well, okay, how bout some other skill then?"

There was a sound of rustling paper and the demon muttering under his breath.

Eventually, he said, "Right, so this says you do some sort of woodworking thing? Yeah. Boring. That's gone."

"...What?" Adam said.

"You won't remember how to do it anymore. No relearning nothing neither. But hey, if that's too _upsetting_ you can always take the penalty. All depends on how much you really want that prize."

Adam wrung his hands, but nodded. "Alright, Mr. Demon, I'll do it."

"Great! You know, I was really hoping you guys wouldn't wimp out on me in the first round here, we are gonna have so much _fun_ together!"

And Adam could no longer recall any of the woodcarving skills he'd learned over the years. He still remembered projects he'd worked on, the crib he'd restored recently for the O’Briens, but details, the knowledge of _what_ and _how,_ was lost behind an impenetrable fog.

The third light illuminated, and the door beneath swung open, revealing nothing but inky blackness beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've listened to TAZ, you probably recognize the symbols on the wheel, but for anyone who hasn't, I'll go ahead and list the rest of them here.
> 
> Hand  
> Eye  
> Brain  
> Swords  
> Backpack  
> Skull  
> Clock  
> Question Mark
> 
> Obviously I've tweaked the actual sacrifices for some of them, since this is just a fantasy based world, not actual DnD. And everyone's spins for this round were completely random, even if two of em ended up being the same as the first round of The Suffering Game. I even used the same site the boys did for the podcast. So BJ's reaction to Lydia's spin was pretty much the same as mine.
> 
> If you enjoyed, please consider commenting~

**Author's Note:**

> I've got finals next week, so I've no idea when the next chapter's going to be up. I wanted to go ahead and get this one done before I lost my nerve though, since this is the first time I've written fanfic since probably high school. Blame my best friend, she convinced me to go through with this madness. Anyways, thanks for reading!


End file.
